Why I'm scared to loose weight

I love being the bigger girl. Ya you heard me right. Yes I want to loose some weight so I can run faster and enjoy sports again like I used to but I also love me. Who I am now is beautiful. I love me and losing weight means I loose that part of me. Somewhere down deep I know that I would feel better if I lost the extra weight I'm carrying. But slowly I hope I can find some peace through this journey cause it won't be easy!

Sunday

Since today is Sunday I'm going to share a little spiritual thought I had along with how I did today.  So I was sitting in a class today and I felt like I should go and talk to Sis Jessen about the Belitz kids cause they are 11, and 13 and they have been staying in there house by themselves on Tuesday and Thursday and there Dad is deployed.  I feel like they really need a better direction in there lives and people in the church to help them along this journey!  They are really sweet people but they really need some extra help.  They need to pray and read the scriptures, they need to not have so much time by themselves.  I know that they are bored.  Needless to say it was a good conversation and I could tell that they Lord really does care about these kids and he is watching out for them. 

Today I ate okay.  I did pretty good until tonight when I ate cake and ice cream.  Seriously these sweets are kicking my trash!  But I am going to win, I'm not going to stop.  I will keep on fighting.

Saturday

Well today is Saturday. I did alright overall until tonight when my husband wanted to get ice cream but instead we ate cookies and ice cream. Was it delious well yes for sure but it was hard to just have a little. That is something I'm working on, it's okay to
Just have a little, the desseret will be there the next time.  It's not going anywhere. I guess when I was doing the 90 day health challenge I could only have sugar once a week and so on that day I ate way more than I should have, but I was still losing so it was fine...at least that is what I thought. The truth is have just a small amount is best. How do you teach someone that?

Asked if I was pregnant

Tonight we had a couple kids coming over for dinner.  One of the boys is 10 I believe and he asked my Husband if I was pregnant.  My Husband said I wasn't but I overhead the conversation and it broke my heart!  The boy said they I used to be skinny so he was just wondering.  That broke my heart as well!  I guess you could say I have let myself go the last few months and that comment just broke me!  I worked so hard to get some weight off which I haven't kept off and now I'm paying for it!  Man does this really hurt!  But tomorrow is a new day and dinner was pretty good, so now is on to tomorrow. 

The start to the new me

My name is Christy.  I have this problem...you see I like food a lot.  Actually I really just am addicted to food.  I love to bake, cook, eat, and enjoy making people happy through food.  Is this a bad thing?  Well honestly I've been told my whole life that it isn't a good thing.  All my life I've been told watch what you eat.  Do you really need that other cookie?  When I feel sad or lonely food is what keeps me company.  Is this embarrassing?  Well for sure it is, it is embarrassing to admit something to others that you just want to hide.  Specially when you know deep down you have a problem that you have been trying to fix your whole life but it's just so hard by yourself.  It's so hard to feel so alone with something that no one else understands!  People say things all the time like well just______you feel in the blank.  For me it's always just don't eat so much, just count calories, run 3 miles like 3 times a week and you won't be fat, you know I've pretty much heard it all.  The thing is it hurts down deep.  I have always been over weight, even when I was a kid.  So why am I starting a blog?  Well I feel like others need support as well.  I will write something in this blog everyday that I can and talk about my success that day or just my total failures.  I love exercise, and that is my strong suit, what is not my strong suit is food.  Thing blog is to help anyone who reads it.  I will post healthy recipes that I like and I will share with all of you my journey. 
One thing you need to know about me.  I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  I love my church, it's not a cult and it truly is beautiful and a gift from God.  So now I will tell you this.  A few nights ago I got a Priesthood blessing from my Husband because I know that I can't do this on my own.  I need the help of my Savior.  So with the help from him, my family and friends I know that I can take control of my life and enjoy playing sports like I used to.  This isn't about being skinny to me this is about liking myself.  I want to like myself again.  I loved who I was in High School and I wasn't skinny then.   Well I think that's a start for today.  Tomorrow is a new day and I'm starting now with my journey...please join me!  Life is short and I'm excited to get this journey started.